Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Please Mr. Lauren


I stumbled upon this hideous imposter while browsing E-Bay for a shooting vest for my son. I had taken him to a Tower Shoot on Sunday and the vest he used was adequate but he handled himself so well with the Browning Gold .20 Ga. that I decided he needed a better shooting rig.
So, back to this Ralph Lauren abomination...first, it sports a price tag north of $1900.00. Absurdly over-priced. One could fully outfit 2 hunters for a pheasant trip to North Dakota for that amount. Second,it displays erroneous Texas Rifle Association patches; patches that would lead one to conclude that the wearer won some sort of shooting competition. Third, in terms of functionality, the patches are on the right side, so if a shooter was right handed , the patch at the top could easily interfere with a smooth mount...and the shooting pad on the shoulder is too small to facilitate smooth mount as well. The large contrast material flap pockets are idiotic as they hinder easy access to fresh shells. The collar is too big as it would get in the way of one's cheek seating flush on the stock of the raised gun...I could go on...but you get the idea.
One can only imagine this garment draped over some Greenwich hedge fund wanker as he gets out of his Range Rover...a vehicle that has never had tires touch mud...and grass only once at a tailgate at Deerfield when Junior was 2nd string on the Football team. Said wanker would mince about posing as a shooter...when he does not know the difference between high brass No. 6's and a target load or a Purdey from a Ruger. A poser that grew up in New Rochelle and never discharged anything other than a BB gun or an employee from whom he was going to steal credit for a deal. The patches claiming success in some faux competition on some fictional range are a tantamount to a green Private wearing a Combat Infantry Badge when he never left Fort Dix. Well, maybe not that extreme( Tin Tin might think so?)...but lame nonetheless.
But that is Ralph's thing...faux crests from Clubs that do not exist glued on Blazers worn by some putz that fancies himself sporting the badge of the Cold Stream Guards or the First City Troop....or perhaps some Yacht Club...fake Polo Jerseys and spurious rugby team wear and other forms of costumery for the striving and the climbers and the posers.
So, Ralph, please stick to your Khakis and Oxfords and sweaters and pimping school boy blazers to WASP 101 and his lot. Leave the field wear to L.L. Bean and Cabela's and Filson and Beretta. They know what they are doing and when it comes to this genre...you clearly do not.

16 comments:

James said...

No need to add anything to your wonderful rant, except to wish you and your son a great day at the tower shoot. Too bad about Lehigh, next year?

Yankee-Whisky-Papa said...

Why actually pay dues to a city, country, or sporting club when you can buy the patches? Why struggle through years of rigorous academics when you can buy the blazer? Why compete against athletes and thinkers when the awards are literally for sale? Why spend years on the sailing circuit perfecting strategy and tactics, when the emblems are available at under $100. I'm not shocked that RL produces this laughable fakery, and I'm further depressed that they are so enthusiastically purchased. I love seeing these morons at the range... until they misfire in my direction.

JMW said...

Ugh, RL, you can be such a poser. The hunting world laughs at your attempt. ;)

tintin said...

I wore a Woolrich shirt (forest green) with elbow and shoulder patches (light khaki) to the office one Casual Friday some 12 yrs ago. A good friend and principal saw me at the photo copier and came over giving me grief about the shirt. "Oh,look. It's the great white hunter." Mr Browning, where's your shot gun?"

He followed me to my office with more digs until he asked, "What are we hunting today?" I turned to him and said, "Jews, Don. I'm hunting Jews." and walked to my office. He stopped following me but he told me weeks later he almost had a heart attack.

Sandra said...

My dad would've loved this post. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Wow, Main Liner...RL certainly pissed you off. Love the line about "school boys blazers"...

Anonymous said...

Ouch!

Now that is what I call a trip to the woodshed.

Well said.

I would never want my ass on the end of one of your whuppins.

In the case of RL, it is well-deserved, overdue, and righteously administered by a man who is not a pretentious poseur with delusions of grandeur.

NCJack said...

Amen on all points. We used to get RL polo-type shirts (maybe even Polo) and OCBDs for 1/7 the retail, from the SC factory store. Usually a second (small unseen sewing error), overruns and the like, and the types who would buy that jacket always tried to act like they weren't "real" RL.

I've always thought RL was a joke played on pretentious people

Paul Gervais de Bédée said...

Tintin, Why did he almost have a heart attack? Certainly he wasn't bowled over by your sophomoric sense of humor so it must have been your racism veiled in it. Main Line, I'm only surprised that you were surprised to find such faux sport fashion at RL—haven't you seen how he decks out Wimbledon?

tintin said...

Paul- A priest and rabbi are doing an interfaith marriage and an alter boy walks by. Priest nudges the rabbi and says, "Boy would I like to fuck that alter boy." Rabbi says, "Outta what?!"

Don and I traveled a lot and consequently poked fun at each other. No, we didn't poke each other in the literal sense, Paul.

"What's the definition of a WASP? Someone who gets outta the shower to pee." Men joke around with other men.

"What's the difference between a JAP and Jello? Jello moves when you eat it." Paul, I don't use 'JAP' here because I'm a racist and hate Japanese. It means, 'Jewish American Princess.' Get it?

Maybe you don't. Much like I don't get your art.

Anonymous said...

Fake patches for fake people.

Anonymous said...

Hey TinTin, go fauk yourself. You have got to be the rudest, curtest priq with a fashion blog. Why the thin skin? Were you picked on too often as a kid?

PS, yes-I intentionally misspelled the bad words so we can keep this a bit pg rated you pig!

tintin said...

Bad words? Are you in 8th grade?

RulingPart said...

My shooting vest has blood on it. Woof!

GSV JR said...

Does LL Bean make their field jacket anymore? My folks bought me one for Christmas eons ago. Had huge front pockets for shells and game bag on the inside. Perfect for cooler weather.

Filson's traditional hunting vest, the tin cloth thing, is great too, but way too warm for dove or turkey---at least here.

Brian said...

This shit drives me insane. Seconded and thirded.